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Application Essay -- Samantha Weber Fall Senior Year 09
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
I’ve heard that when you think that something is the end, it is really only the beginning. To me, this means that when one chapter ends in your life, good or bad, you can be sure that a new chapter is about to begin. At the end of my freshman year in high school, my twenty-one year old brother died in a tragic hiking accident outside of his Air Force base in Aviano, Italy. His death was a closing to one chapter that transformed who I am today.
This new chapter titled “Formative” began in darkness as I went through all the necessities accompanying Zach’s death: visitations, the funeral memorials, followed by months of “firsts” without him. I questioned God and everything I had grown up believing. I mulled over questions, such as: “If there is a God, how could he have let the ground fall from beneath Zach’s feet? Why did He let him venture onto the ledge alone? Why did Zach have to die three days before coming home after being away for over eighteen months?” My heart ached for answers, for an explanation, for anything that would provide relief to something so incomprehensible.
I found relief starting my sophomore year when I read Night, by Elie Wiesel.
He detailed his suffering and questioning of God. Although our stories were different, I identified with him after he lost his family during the Holocaust. He also questioned God, and I understood his sentiment: “His eyes were opened and he was alone – terribly alone in a world without God.” My fingers fumbled as I turned page after page in Night, waiting, wanting, along with Mr. Wiesel, for God to intervene, but he didn’t. Instead Mr. Wiesel was beaten, worked, starved, and moved from camp to camp. He waited for the end, whether it came by rescue or by death.
As I turned the last page of Night, depravity became a tangible feeling that flowed from his book up my arms and into my heart. Then my heart began to break as my own depravity began to ravage me while I examined the opening chapters of my life and found their titles were ugly: Fastidious, Impetuous, Prodigal. Looking back, I realize that every time I fought with my mom, had to take out the trash, or had something not work the way I anticipated, I found a way to blow it completely out of proportion, bringing misery to others and myself. Then, one day, I looked out my window at the trees flowing orange, red, and yellow; the sun was setting behind them and clouds wisped white across a pink sky. Stunning! The warmth of the picture before me soothed my aching soul and God’s presence, like the sun lighting up a room, lit up my soul and spirit. The magnificent masterpiece before me was proof of God’s goodness, and I realized that no matter how many ghastly events happen, His goodness will always outweigh the pain and darkness of all tragedy.
Night detailed the impact the Holocaust had on Mr. Wiesel, and similarly, my life was also completely transformed by Zach’s death. No longer did I turn a fight, a bad grade, or a chore into a tragedy – now I knew what tragedy was. My fastidiousness turned to understanding, impetuousness to circumspection, and my prodigal attitude towards time to appreciation. Today, I find myself able to accept disappointment, such as when I tore the major ligament in my knee and had to miss my entire senior soccer season. Instead of wasting time pouting about my injury, I seized the opportunity to support my team and worked hard in physical therapy for my next season. Finally, I now take time each day to say “I love you” to my family and friends because I know how quickly things can change. I cannot say that all of these changes have come directly from Zach’s death; however, his death commanded maturity and, ultimately, a positive transformation.
Over the past three years my life has not always seemed fair; but since Zach’s death, I have gradually grown up to be a person I’m proud to be. I am proud to say that throughout my years in high school, despite the hardships I have faced, I have stuck to my principles and made changes for the better. I’m definitely not perfect, probably a little broken around the edges, but my resilience has allowed me to accept the closing of one chapter in my life and the beginning of a new one. Life truly is a journey and it takes determination and stamina to face the vicissitudes of life and climb to the mountaintops of success.
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