Are You Normal? by Alexa Weber

Did you know that one in five women confess to sleeping regularly with a stuffed animal (as do five percent of men), that 27.1 percent of Americans regularly chew on pens and pencils, and that if you DON’T set your clock ahead of the actual time, you’re part of a minority that makes up only 1/3 of the population? So says this humorous little book I picked up at Barnes and Noble the other day entitled, “Are You Normal?” (by Bernice Kanner). Now obviously this book resulted from an intense, nationally-conducted, professional study, but it left me wanting to find out for myself: What IS normal homeschool behavior, and am I normal? I drew up a survey of questions ranging from “What do you wear to ‘school’?” to “Describe your portfolio-keeping skills” and sent it all over Pennsylvania. At first I was delighted when responses came flowing back. Then I was terrified. “HOW WAS I GOING TO COMPILE STATISTICS FROM ALL OF THESE?!” It took me a day and a half just to READ them all! Even more intimidating was the extreme variety of answers. How could I tell what was NORMAL homeschool behavior? And finally, the most alarming was the response to my random question, “Are you normal?” I may have gotten three, at most, responses from people claiming to be normal! At this point I shook my head and kissed my statistical quest goodbye. The best I could do was observe, quote, and laugh with the 55 responses, and I pray you’ll do the same as I relate my absolutely unofficial observations and quotes from a large batch of people who refuse to be labeled . . . NORMAL!

Going to School = Going to Bed: Where and How Homeschoolers Study
Although almost every response contained a check by the option, “While Sleeping,” I was not surprised to find that most did claim that in bed, locked in a bedroom, with a pile of cats and dogs on top (“My dog LOVES to listen to me yell at my frustrating math book!” –Karah C), was the favorite position for education. (After all, that’s what *I* do. My classroom system: Mom’s Bed = Physics, English and Math class; My Bed = Economics and Literature reading; etcetera):
“I usually curl up in bed and study/read as little as possible. Just kidding. I do almost all my work in my bed. It keeps me comfortable and quiet and lets me focus.” –Audrey N
“In the early morning (and sometimes late morning if I'm feeling particularly lazy) I like to study snuggled under my bedcovers… although I have to admit that I don't get a whole lot of studying done as for some strange reason my eyes don't want to stay open...” –Rachel S
“I try to avoid the desk and the kitchen table; they make work seem too much like work.” -Mark G
“I usually start on my school work before I even get out of bed in the morning.” –April H
“I alternate between lying on my back and propping the book on my knees, and lying on my side with one elbow supporting me, laying across the bed with my head over the edge and the book on the floor, and laying on my stomach with both elbows propping me up, changing positions whenever I get cramped” -Matthias Hess
“I read with my little angelic teddy bear. I'll have you know that it inspires me that I'm not the only one reading the book, especially if it is boring.” –Sarah T
Homeschoolers are skilled at making almost anywhere into a ”school,” however, and responses included, “On my porch swing” (Amber Ross), “In my car in a parking lot” (Kate Deely), and “Sitting in my chair backwards with my legs hanging over the side, and periodically practicing ballet in between concurring and dissenting Supreme Court opinions” (Sarah A). (An alternative to practicing ballet to keep awake would be to look out of the window at your sheep. At least that’s what William E claims to do. Personally, I always associated sheep-watching with going to sleep, but hey, whatever floats your boat.) Anna Megill has even developed a helpful scale for determining where it is “safe” to study:
If the book is.....
VERY VERY BORING: Read aloud and walk in circles around the room to keep myself awake.
VERY BORING: Sit on an extremely uncomfortable coffee table, or lie on the table and put the book on the floor
BORING: Sit on one of my mom's comfortable (but upright) Aerochairs.
IN BETWEEN: Sit on my comfy chair in my own room (but not too comfortable)
INTERESTING: If the weather is nice I will read in the hammock out in the backyard or else I will lay on my bed.
VERY INTERESTING: Read on my mom's bed with her back rest and the covers over me
VERY VERY INTERESTING: cuddle down in the corner of my favorite couch with my favorite blanket and enjoy!

Shopping for School Clothes? Head for the PJ section!
About half of those surveyed expressed surprise that the most commonly asked question encountered is, “Can you do school in your PJ’s?”. Sarah T commented, “This one always cracks me up because I never EVER did that; it never even OCCURRED to me to do that!”, while Annie B mused, “I’m amazed how many people ask that one. I wonder if THEY would if they could!” Well, for the sake of Sarah (and others’) enlightenment, about half of those surveyed (the other half; the ones who did NOT express such shock), admitted that they DO INDEED study in their PJ’s:
“One question, why get dressed? Tell me why, and maybe I'll consider it!” –Kate Z
“Oh, yeah! PJ's all the way! Cow print and satin lizard print pants with big t-shirts!” –Shannon B
“PJs are the greatest, especially during winter months (the majority of the school year) when it gets really cold. I like to make a cup of Hot Chocolate and settle in my bed with my pajamas, to read or study.” –Audrey N
“I usually wear my PJ's. Whatever is comfortable really. I find that having to dress as if I was going to "real school" is a drag and I never do it even if I'm "told" to so who cares.” –Audrey N
“Pajamas, or sometimes terribly ugly clothes that I would absolutely die of embarrassment if anyone saw me wearing them!” –Marilee G
For the rest of us, “whatever's at the top of my drawer” (girls?) and “whatever I find on my bedroom floor” (guys?) made up the bulk of the responses, leaving the average homeschooler wearing something like “jeans and a t-shirt that is either ancient or the design is just ugly” (Esther P). A few people admitted to wearing “real” clothes, because, as Meghan C put it, “When I feel good about what I am wearing I am more likely to feel good about my work.” Although a few of the normal-clothes-people admitted to staying in their PJ’s till early afternoon, explaining that “by afternoon, [they’ll] take a shower and change into regular clothes cause it just feels better” (Rachel S), quite a few claimed (myself included) they’d never wear their PJ’s to school. Kelly C explained it, “I don't feel awake until I'm dressed for the day” and Anna M insightfully considered both the question and the PJ’s in her response:
“The question that I get most often is, "Do you get to wear your pajamas all day?" I have often wondered why people care so much about this, but I think it's because every day they have to dress respectably in order to go to school and since this is very trying they are eager to avoid it when they can. I, on-the-other-hand, only have to wear comfortable clothes that I like. I usually tell them that it doesn't actually work to wear your pajamas all day because, if you do, you feel like you have never woken up.”

The Non-Feline Classmates: Siblings (Or “the other pets”)
With a few exceptions, most of the responders said that they really don’t teach their siblings, except for lessons like “how to behave” (Annie B), and that they and their siblings, for the most part, have their separate spheres. The most common image conveyed involved a sibling “popping” in the door and “asking random and unrelated questions”—I was surprised by how many people conveyed this same image in their response! Other notorious antics included “singing or screaming while doing homework” (Sarah R), “bursting into the bedroom at the most inopportune moments” (Mark G), “threatening to put guinea pigs on their big siblings heads” (Kelly C) and “tickling in the middle of Algebra or Geometry” (Audrey N), Sarah C did admit that little siblings are “so cute when they sleep.” Just kidding. One must not confuse “distracting” with “annoying”—Most homeschoolers found their little siblings quite distracting, but not necessarily annoying. April S summed it up well: “My siblings are very special to me. When you think about it, your brothers and sisters are probably the people you will know longer than anyone else in your life. Yes, they can be distracting, but can’t any good friend become a distraction?”

Sung Or Spoken: Good Morning Homeschoolers!!!
Getting up in the morning is a special challenge faced by homeschoolers. You would be surprised what you are able to do when you absolutely have to—at Taylor last summer I could stay up till 3 and get up at 7 for nights in a row! At home, however, with no bus to catch, we must fight to roll out of bed on an average morning. Although these statistics are not calculated or official, and while wake-up times varied from a few 5am waker-uppers to our 11am friends, the most common getting-up time was, relative to those of our public schooled friends, leaning towards the late side, generally around 8-9. And what wakes them up?
“Mother. ARGH! She makes me want to stay in bed.” –Gwen U
“Sometimes the cat wakes me up by ‘cleaning’ my hair” –Dane Hl
“Singing. Yeah you heard right. My family is notorious for singing… No, it’s more like screeching. It’s never a, ‘Hi sweetie, time to get up” in a soft whisper. It’s more like, “TIME TO GET UUUUPPPP, LALALALALA!” in a national anthem pitch” –Kate Z
“Alarm – It’s supposed to but you know how that goes. / Mother – She sends dad up to get me. / Singing – Yeah, my brother in the shower. / Other – Cold water normally works pretty well.” –Mark G
Although homeschoolers require several means at a time to pry them out of their beds (even though they’ll return to it shortly for school), I was surprised to find that most all of the responders go to bed on their own, when they feel like it. Despite this liberty, and despite a few who admit to staying up somewhere between 12 and 2 every night, the most common bed-time seemed to be between 10 and 11.

Some Thoughts on Portfolio and Log-Keeping Skills
Christi B: “AAAAUUUGGGHHH!” That sums up just about everyone’s responses well. Kudos to Christi. No further remarks necessary.

So, Are YOU Normal?
So there you have it: My best attempt to compile the responses which, if printed, would add up to almost 250 pages of anecdotes, stories, and schedules, into an article that would not fill the entire Excelsior. This is your life. Or maybe it’s not. But I hope as you’ve read and laughed a little at these aspects of homeschool life, you’ll take a moment to celebrate—celebrate sleeping in, portfolios, siblings, felines, your bed—celebrate whatever homeschooling is to you . . . but above all, celebrate the fact that you, as a homeschooler, are NOT normal! Repeat this a few times as you celebrate homeschooling: “’Normal is conforming to a standard; typical; of average intelligence or development’ (Webster). As a rule, homeschoolers are NOT normal. Perhaps, however, I am a normal homeschooler because I conform to the standard of abnormality. I am not, however, a normal person!” (Mark G).